Adrian: Seems like you're still searching for angle here. Yes, you sound authoritative, but you've vague about what, exactly, we'll be doing for HfH and why HS grads would be interested. Seems like your target audience is too huge and vague. Try thinking more specifically about a great of particular HS grads who would fit well with the project. Not everyone wants to/is good at building homes. How about targeting people who are? I'm also a bit unclear about the pathos you wrote down; I'm not sure that you're clear on the concept. Check in with me about this.
Mainly, though, give some more thought to audience segment and the connection between this audience and your pitch.
Adrian: Seems like you're still searching for angle here. Yes, you sound authoritative, but you've vague about what, exactly, we'll be doing for HfH and why HS grads would be interested. Seems like your target audience is too huge and vague. Try thinking more specifically about a great of particular HS grads who would fit well with the project. Not everyone wants to/is good at building homes. How about targeting people who are? I'm also a bit unclear about the pathos you wrote down; I'm not sure that you're clear on the concept. Check in with me about this.
ReplyDeleteMainly, though, give some more thought to audience segment and the connection between this audience and your pitch.
Grade so far: 35/50